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Exiting the Haze

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exitingthehaze

This post follows a previous one about living in the haze https://pairbv.com.au/living-in-the-haze/. I had every intention to write this one sooner but I just wasn’t ready.

I will start by saying that exiting the haze does not mean you have to give up enjoying life. In fact the opposite occurs. The more you decide to live life on your terms and within your means, the more you will enjoy it. This includes striving for things or experiences that others don’t see as important. It also doesn’t mean you should play small with your career or business goals as long as your health and relationships don’t suffer as a result.

The measure of an authentic and purposeful life should not be the amount of money and things you have,  it should be measured by the quality of your relationships and the impact you have on others. Your own happiness will be more positively affected by how you feel, rather than what you have. Having nice things can make you feel good if you have worked hard for them and they are what you really want. Constantly buying new things (especially those you don’t really want or need) can make you feel good too, but like drugs it is often short lived and followed by a downer. Self-esteem and long-term happiness come from knowing you’re doing what’s right for you and others. This includes making the right choices about the things you have and how you allocate your time.

I decided the best way to share my strategies for exiting the haze is to list them. I would like to say before you read them that the haze will always be around you. It will live inside many of your friends and family, you will see it in people’s eyes when you walk down the street and every single time you turn on the television. I am not sure whether it is possible to fully exit the haze as I am not there yet and have to be conscious of it every day when I make decisions.

Here is my list:

  1. Put time aside for your most important relationships. Nurture and appreciate them. Avoid becoming complacent as none of us know how long we have to live.
  2. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. How do you feel when you look in the mirror every day? Proud and focussed or disappointed and unsettled?
  3. Make your health a priority, both mental, physical and spiritual (This does not have to relate to religion)
  4. Strive every day to help more people. The help you give can take many forms and doesn’t have to involve money. It doesn’t have to be a massive gesture either, as this is often not possible. Here are a few ‘small’ help ideas that you can do every day:
    1. Be genuinely interested in others and be empathetic to their situation
    2. Respect other people and their differences. Every human being will feel happier if they know they are accepted by others. You may also find that they in turn accept you more as a result.
    3. Look for things to do for others, especially if you are feeling a little low yourself. I promise it will make you feel immediately better
    4. Help someone cross the street or get something off a high shelf at the supermarket they can’t reach (there is a limitless number of things like this that you can do every day)
    5. Stand up for someone who needs support.
  5. Live within your means. If you absolutely want something or to do something you really can’t afford, you should:
    1. Increase your means (income and/or investments)
    2. Sell things you don’t want any more
    3. Save for it.
    4. If you do borrow money to buy a car, house or something else commit yourself to a plan to pay the entire loan off within a realistic timeframe – and stick to it! It is a great feeling to know that with every payment  you own a little more of your asset.
  6. Don’t fall into the trap of what I call ‘easy money’ as it may be easy to get but it is typically very expensive and there is usually a catch. The cost of the money may be hidden in the price or the fact that the lender knows most people are undisciplined and won’t make all their payments on time. Easy money includes:
    1. Credit cards
    2. Personal loans, especially with high interest rates
    3. Finance loans with a balloon. You may find yourself in a painful position where the value of your asset is less than what you owe.
    4. ‘Interest free’ payment offers (they are actually finance agreements and you will pay very high interest if you don’t make all your payments on time).
    5. Borrowing money from friends or family. Don’t do this unless it is absolutely necessary and the repayment commitment is easily achievable. You also need to have the talk about relationships being more important than money and a plan to handle any unforeseen repayment issues so that expectations are realistic and the loan does get paid back in full. Most importantly so the relationship doesn’t suffer as a result of the loan.
  7. Choose your own authentic path in life. This includes:
    1. Doing more of what you enjoy the most (it will also often be what you are best at doing)
    2. Spending more time with those you really want to spend time with
    3. Clarifying how you help people/add value to the World? I believe this is your true purpose. This previous post may help you https://pairbv.com.au/does-success-come-from-focussing-on-failure-or-success/. Doing it every day and as much as possible.
    4. Clarifying the work environment suits you best:
      1. Job
        1. Private
        2. Public business
        3. Not for Profit
      2. Your own business
        1. Commercial
          1. Sole owner
          2. Partnership
        2. Not for profit
  8. Let go of others’ expectations when it relates to how you live your life unless meeting their expectations is an important part of achieving your goals (eg: your employer, manager, coach, parent)
  9. Stop trying to please people for the wrong reasons
  10. Do what’s right:
    1. This is often not the easy option
    2. Stay true to your values, even if it hurts you or others in the short term
    3. Keep your focus on the long term and don’t make decisions from a ‘survival’ mentality. I say  survival mentality because  our situation is usually not as bad as we might think it is. True survival is when your life is under threat. In the western world we rarely miss a meal or can’t get fresh water to drink. We usually have a warm bed to sleep in and don’t have wild animals or gun/knife wielding militia threatening to kill us. If you are experiencing fear or anxiety around a situation my post https://pairbv.com.au/face-reality-dont-hope-or-wait/ may help you to move forward
    4. Think of the effect on others not just yourself when you make decisions (you only get one reputation and it is amazing how people will keep turning up in your life)
  11. Don’t expect other people to be responsible for your life or give you what you want. Why?
    1. You will not be in control of your own destiny
    2. This creates expectations with others and a perception or reality that you owe them something
    3. You only deserve what you create and appreciate
  12. If you have something that still works fine don’t replace or upgrade it just because you can afford it, or worse increase your debt to buy it. E.g. House, car, phone, television.
    1. Look after your things and fix them if possible. This is far more enjoyable and satisfying than buying something you don’t need, often to impress others (a good indicator is an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach – see previous post https://pairbv.com.au/living-in-the-haze/
    2. The exception here is when you want something that forms part of a passion. You may love travelling, cars, golf, boats,  motorbikes, renovating houses…the list is endless. If it is your passion, save or increase your income until you can afford to get what you really want and enjoy it! I find if I do this the first time I don’t always want to upgrade. This is more cost effective in the long run as changing over is costly.
  13. Create and stick to an investment plan.
    1. Get help from others that know more than you because they have done what you want to do or have a proven track record of helping others with similar goals to you (not people that purport to know more but they only know theory).
    2. Build a financial buffer for unforeseen problems or opportunities (as a guide, 3 months of your net income as a minimum). It is wonderful to wake up every day knowing that you can pay for unforeseen events when they occur – and they do!

Living in the haze can make you tired, unfulfilled, depressed and lower your self-esteem. It can cause you to constantly react to external influences such as other people’s judgement and opinions. It can be extremely costly to your health, relationships and finances.

You need strong reasons to exit the haze. My most important reason was to be a positive example for my kids and show them it is possible. It is not an easy path in these times of excess and consumerism but it is a very worthwhile path.

People only change because of pain or pleasure

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pain-1024x768I started off writing my second post about the haze (how to exit the haze), and I found myself writing about change and why it is necessary to create a better outcome. This went a step further to include  what is required for people to actually change and why they often get stuck and don’t move forward. I decided it should stand alone as a separate post on change.

Don’t worry I have also nearly finished the second haze blog as well…

Why People Avoid Change?

You may have read all of my blog posts plus read or heard multiple other ideas and strategies to improving your life, relationships, business, wealth etc…so why haven’t you changed some of those things in order to make it happen? I believe it is because you may be comfortable or have become used to your situation and with this often comes complacency. I heard a saying from Anthony Robbins many years ago:

“People only change because of pain or pleasure”

I have added to this: But it is usually pain because pain is hurting you now and pleasure from change is in the future. If it is in the future you can’t feel it now and often can’t imagine how good it will be.

People need a strong reason to change. Change can be actioned proactively or reactively. If you want something strongly enough or alternatively want to avoid something strongly enough you will do what is required and take action.

Making decisions and taking action to proactively effect change requires vision, courage and persistence. Sadly, most people will not change until they are forced to and then it is often too late. Relationship breakdown, health issues (physical and mental) and financial distress are the most common catalysts to force change. I have changed both proactively and reactively and I can categorically say that proactive change is by far the best kind as it is your choice, on your terms and you have far more control over the outcome.

Why don’t people change even when they know they should?

• Change is not easy! My Dad always told me “If it was easy everyone would be doing it.” He wasn’t necessarily referring only to change but I think this saying works very well in this context.
• People rationalise and make very clever excuses:
“It won’t happen to me”
“I am too busy or don’t have time”
“I or someone else already tried ‘that’ but it didn’t work”
“I will do it later”
“What if I try but it doesn’t work?”
“I can’t afford to”
“I can’t change because…”
“They or ‘it’ is stopping me from changing”
• Blaming others (and therefore letting yourself off the hook)
• Ignorance
• Laziness
• Not truly believing you deserve to be happy (very deep and easy to dismiss but I invite you to sit in the discomfort that this causes us all at times during our lives. If you still don’t wish to acknowledge this think about how much easier it is to change or take action for someone you love ).

How to change?

Find a really strong reason to change. If you can’t find one for yourself use someone you love as the reason. For example: Think about how the current situation is hurting them and others, not just you, or how happy ‘they’ will be when you take postive action.

• Publically commit to change as it is a lot harder to avoid when others know.
• Stop rationalising and lying to yourself. Winston Churchill said:
“Sometimes our best is not enough, sometimes we have to do what is required.”
• Accept that you want certain things to be better for yourself and others
• Allow yourself to dream and get excited about the improvements that can come from change
• Don’t stop when it gets hard or doesn’t work the first time and remember the reason you were prepared to change
• Be prepared to learn
• Ask for and get help from other people
• Stop accepting average in your life because we all deserve to be happy. If you are still not sure ask 3 people close to you whether they think you deserve to be happy and be prepared to accept their answers.

I leave you with this:

The discomfort of change is better than the heartbreak of complacency…

Living in The Haze

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I call it ‘The Haze‘.    Haze monster

Most people in the western World have lived in the haze at some point in their lives. Many live their whole lives this way. Living in the haze doesn’t feel quite right. The reason? Because living in the haze is caused by a deep and often unconscious desire to impress others. So what is the haze? The haze is to sacrifice those things that should be truly important to you (your health, time with family and friends and helping others) so that you can earn more money, to buy things you really don’t need, to impress people you probably don’t like.

Sounds crazy doesn’t it! I ask you to stop reading and think for a moment about what you just read and how it may apply to you and your life or those you know well…

Practical versus Emotional Decision Making

Need and want…
One of my great mates and I often talk about need and want when we are bike riding together. We talk about cars, houses, bikes, phones, T.Vs…objective ‘stuff’. Once we have discussed a particular object, let’s say for example the latest bike, one will ask the other:

“I know you think you want it but do you need it?”

The answer to the question is typically no to the need and yes to the want. It doesn’t matter how much stuff you have there will usually be something you still want. The interesting thing though is that you probably don’t really want it, you just think you do! If you are prepared acknowledge why you want it you will usually arrive at a version of:

1. To keep up with someone (The Jones family!) who has just bought one
2. To impress others
3. To show others you are successful and/or can afford it

Do you all of a sudden feel confronted by this concept? Has the initial confrontation now turned into a wry smile on your face? Don’t worry or beat yourself up just yet. This normal and almost automatic behaviour for human beings in the Western World. I wrote about advertisers and marketers taking advantage of our egos to create emotional decisions to buy stuff we don’t need in my last post (https://pairbv.com.au/does-success-come-from-focussing-on-failure-or-success/).

Farmers versus People in the Haze

I don’t like to generalise but if you observe the decision making of most farmers it is practically based whereas people in the haze usually make decisions from emotion. A farmer will usually fix and continue to fix their ‘things’ until they can’t be fixed anymore. A person in the haze (often living in a city) will usually upgrade or replace their things before they are even ‘worn in’. This should really be considered a waste of money, especially when we consider that debt may be required/used to afford the purchase and further sacrifice of the really important things may also occur.

Many farmers are incredibly asset wealthy but have limited available cash. They don’t usually ‘look wealthy’ because they don’t drive the latest European car, spend money on expensive designer clothes or have the latest phone or watch. They also rarely talk about what they have because they have no reason to.

On the flipside most people in the haze look wealthier than they really are, driving in their late model European car, wearing their expensive watch and preparing for their next overseas holiday. The reality is that they are likely to be highly stressed on the inside, living every day just trying to survive and maintain the lifestyle. They are likely to have a large mortgage on their house, loan for their cars and multiple credit cards, not because they need those things to generate income like a farmer with his tractor or truck, but because they are in the haze.

How did I come to this conclusion? I grew up in the city, surrounded by people living in the haze. I then continued this well into my adult life until I chose to move to the country 4 years ago to help me and my family to get out of the haze.

Please don’t think I am judging those in the haze. I still have and will probably always have some things I purchased through emotion and want not practicality and need. I just want you to be conscious of the haze and the associated pitfalls the next time you decide to buy something you don’t need and/or upgrade your car, house, phone or other objects.

Ask yourself what are you sacrificing to achieve this?

Once you get out of the haze that strange, uncomfortable feeling and stress you have become used to living with might turn into satisfaction and appreciation for what you already have. You may also find that you get to the enviable position where you own your life rather than renting it and can use your additional time and money to help other people. Most importantly you will know that you are living your life, on your terms and not somebody else’s.

My next post will include some strategies to help you get out of the haze…

Does success come from focussing on failure or success?

SucessIn short, it can come from both, but one is more sustainable and gives you energy, whilst the other takes it away. Through working with many successful people (including myself) and especially with men, I have seen various patterns for success. I have found that many people initially became successful by ‘working away from’ failure and their reasons and drivers were negative and emotional. The ‘negative, away from’ drivers often comes from one or more of:

• Being bullied
• Trying to prove yourself
• Trying to gain acceptance from a parent or significant person in your life
• Being disadvantaged physically, intellectually or financially when you are young

Further, their version of success was often then defined by proving, external gratification (from people and objects) and was larger than necessity. This common version of success is emotional not practical and ego driven.

How should people decide what success is? A person needs a reason to strive for success but they also need to know what success looks like and therefore what they are aiming for.

The Oxford dictionary defines success as:
1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose, or
2. The attainment of fame, wealth, or social status

The second definition fits exactly with the issues that I have observed and experienced myself. Television, marketers and advertisers have created a version for success based on what you look like, what you wear, how popular you are, the car you drive, the house you live in and on it goes. All of this, of course, is so the companies that the marketers represent can sell you more things that you don’t need!!

My belief is that this phenomenon ramped up when television started as television allowed the marketers to access the masses with visual messages. In the last 15 years the internet has taken this to a whole new level and even more recently, and especially with younger people, social media has taken this to a very scary place! There is no wonder that levels of depression, suicide and debt have risen sharply as a consequence. How can people ever feel enough when the marketing, emotional measures and judgements are so high and often unrealistic?

What can we/you do about this? My opinion is that people of all ages need to feel comfortable focussing more on who they are, what is really important to them and the value they add to others. The definition of success as society uses it is not enough as contentment, satisfaction and pride are incredibly important as well. We all know intuitively that these feelings are what really make us and those around us happy. We also know intuitively that these feelings come more from helping others than helping ourselves.

So, we need to take a rounded view to success and happiness. A parent being a great financial provider but not present as their kids grow up or anyone having lots of fancy ‘stuff’ without helping others are unlikely to deliver long term happiness. There are many more examples that we all see every day to prove that a one dimensional focus is not enough.

I came up with the following 5 points to help me define a rounded version of success and happiness. They also provide positive things to ‘work towards’ and remember. Hopefully they can help you too:

1. Your purpose

To define your purpose you need to be something and to give something. Everyone has positive attributes, gifts and ways of helping other people. Once you define yours it will help you make decisions on how to prioritise/balance your time. Enjoy sitting down and thinking of all the ways you can help others.

Mine is: To be inspirational and mischievous, giving guidance and laughter

2. What to be grateful for?

Think of the health you have, your loved ones, friends, talents and opportunities. There may be things that you take for granted and have forgotten to appreciate. I find this an important exercise to do as it helps us remember how fortunate we are.

3. What have I/we achieved in the last 5 years to set up our future?

We often focus on what we haven’t done, rather than all the things we have done to give us the success and happiness we desire. By listing all the things you have done to prepare you for your future you are likely to feel better about where you are at. Some of the things you have done may have been to clean up mistakes or lessons from the past. Whilst they might not feel like positive actions, they are necessary for you to achieve success in the future.

4. What do I/we want to achieve within the next 5 years?

This is to help you define specific things to plan for and/or complete. They may include spending more time with family or friends, helping someone achieve something, finishing off something for yourself, learning something, cleaning up something caused by past lessons…Objectives should be measurable and specific whenever possible.

5. What do I need to keep working through/remember?

Habits come from repetition. The only way I know of to change habits is to change what you think and what you do every day. To do this you need to have clarity about what to change. I use this to help me remember that I am on track and also that I can’t fix everything. My kids, for example, have their own journey and whilst I would love to make their life easy at every opportunity, that is not going to help their self-esteem or the development of their skills and determination. I also like to remember that the right decisions don’t immediately provide you with what you want. Good things take time to eventuate. This doesn’t mean that you are not on track though!

So, in summary, be aware when you are motivated by negative drivers as it will zap your energy and is unlikely to leave you feeling happy. Using positive drivers will give you energy rather than take it away as you will feel proud to help others on their journey through life. This will help you too!

The business owner who wore the wrong hat

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Not Another One!

Business owners (in particular those who work in their businesses) wear many different hats during their business journey. They can wear every hat at some point every day. That said, there is always a ‘most appropriate’ hat that should drive their behaviour and decisions in any given situation. It is easier said than done and every business owner gets it wrong from time to time.

Before this gets too confusing I will show the different hats so you start to understand what I am talking about. The jumbled mess of circles below represent the different hats.

All hats1

Now for some examples to describe how the different hats can affect the thinking and behaviour of a business owner:

Employee Hat

A business owner who works in their business and derives ‘active’ income from the business needs to feed their family and pay for their life. This is the most basic and necessary hat, but can also cause the business owner the most short and long term issues.

Potential Issues

1. Treating the business as a job rather than an investment

It is rare that a new business owner will allow enough in their start up budget to cover unforeseen cash flow shortages and unforeseen costs. If they planned for the business to pay them a consistent wage (and don’t have a personal buffer) they will often ‘pull’ funds from the business when it can’t afford to pay them. A more exaggerated version of this is when the business owner borrows money in the business to pay their wages or to prematurely buy non-essential items.

2. Business owners trying to ‘do’ too much in their business

Every business owner will have an area or areas that that should focus on to add ‘MOST VALUE’ in their business. What often happens though is that they try and do too much, either because they like to feel in control or they are trying to ‘save money’. This causes a double edged sword for the business as the business gets less of their strengths and more of their weaknesses.

Leader Hat

Business owners often act as the leader in their business or at least one of the leaders. Being a leader in a private business is particularly hard.

Potential Issues

1. Being friends with staff

The owner is often friends with their staff and takes their business very personally. They have the dubious task of trying to ensure performance is achieved and stay friendly with their staff at the same time. This can create a dilemma between the business needs and their personal needs.

2. Working less than you should

There is often a misconception that owning your own business means you can work less because you are the owner. The issue with this is that you are the example the staff will follow. The behaviour of the owner contributes significantly to the culture and attitude of the staff. It is what they do when you are not there that matters. Their behaviour in your absence will be driven by their level of respect for the owner.

Director Hat

Business owners who are also directors of the company face many challenges and potential conflicts between their legal obligations as a director, being an employee, shareholder and lender. Directors are often asked to guarantee the payments of the business to creditors. They may also have loaned money to the business. On top of this they are personally liable for superannuation and PAYG tax if the company can’t cover it. These director responsibilities and others put their loan and personal assets at risk if the business isn’t successful.

Potential Issues

1. Director obligations versus keeping the business going

I don’t think there are many businesses that always fulfil the definition of solvency: Being able to pay all debts as and when they fall due. In reality all business owners make deals with creditors, lenders and the ATO as cash flow shortages occur. If a business owner tries to hang on too long to save the business they will put themselves at risk personally if they are a director.

Partner Hat

Business partnerships can offer significant benefits but also be the cause of conflict and frustration for business owners.

Potential Issues

1. When the honeymoon is over focus on the business not the partners

Like a marriage, partnerships and new businesses start off enjoying a honeymoon period. At the start excitement is high and the realities of the known and unknown are not yet clear. As risks or opportunities increase, people (the partners) tend to start thinking about what they are contributing versus their partner/s. If this is not managed the business can suffer when the partners lose sight of what the business needs from them and instead focus on what they are getting; or not.

2. Avoiding the tough conversations and decisions

Partners often become friends and find it hard to have the tough conversations and make the tough decisions. The business can suffer as a result. Being in a partnership is not easy and the partners must be comfortable being straight and honest with each other to ensure the business thrives.

Lender Hat

Business owners often lend money to their businesses. This puts their personal wealth at risk and can cause friction in partnerships and at home during challenging times.

Potential Issues

  1. The business can’t afford to pay agreed loan interest and/or repayments

This can create personal problems for the business owner. Business owner loans need to be set up properly to protect the business owner, both financially and in their relationships. Further, the business owner needs to accept (and explain to their spouse) that the business may not always be able to pay interest and repayments on time so that a realistic expectation is created.

Shareholder Hat

The most important hat for the business owner to think and act from is the shareholder hat! See the diagram below

shareholder hat1

What does the business need?

This is the number one question that all business owners should ask during the journey. Further the business owner should ask ‘what does the business need from me?’ to gain clarity around their personal priorities and achieve business success.

Whilst all the other hats have their place from time to time, it is the shareholder hat that is most important. If the business gets what it needs (including from the owner/s) all of the other hats will be satisfied as a result.

 

Focus on the right outcome – NOT BEING RIGHT!

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the-zax-standoffHow do you achieve the right outcome or in other words, the BEST outcome for you, when it seems to conflict with what someone else wants?

The first step before answering the ‘how’ is to make sure you are clear about your desired outcome. Some questions/suggestions to help you gain clarity:

  1. Write down the right or best outcome for you. Can you define it clearly?
  2. Write down ‘when’ you would like to achieve it by.
  3. How will you know when you have achieved it – are their definable measures or events?
  4. Your best outcome may not be an obviously positive one. It may in fact be to avoid further negatives or risk.
  5. It will always help to understand the others person’s/party’s desired outcome. If you can’t ask them at least think hard about what it is likely to be.
  6. The best outcome for you is likely to involve some compromise (It is unlikely to be your ‘perfect’ outcome).

Now, why haven’t you been able to achieve the best outcome? Is it because you are right and ‘they’ are wrong? Why can’t they see that they are wrong? It is obvious to you that they are wrong and you are right…

When people are acting from their ego they lose sight of achieving the best outcome and instead focus their energy on being right. For one person to be right another has to be wrong! I believe strongly in the old saying ‘there are always two sides to every story.’

The reality that I have learned is that the truth in any given situation involving two opposing people or groups lies somewhere close to the middle. There are obvious conflicts and/or stalemates where one person has tried to hoodwink another or profiteer by dishonest means. That said there are far more that do not reach resolution because neither party is prepared to REALLY listen to the other. An extremely wealthy and successful German friend of mine says in any negotiation or resolution that “Both people need to cry a little to achieve a good outcome. If only one person is crying it won’t work long-term.”

What does REALLY listen mean? It means to genuinely seek to understand their point of view. It may be flawed, it may be that their perspective is based on misinformation…but it may also be that they are simply focussing on different facts to you. (See my previous blog which explains how to find reality when dealing with another person – www.pairbv.com.au/blog/facereality)

If you can understand what is driving their behaviour you may be able to work with them to come to a resolution to GET WHAT YOU WANT and satisfy them at the same time. If you just want to be right and so do they, you will not move forward towards your outcome. You will become angry and frustrated and blame the other person as the reason you haven’t achieved the outcome you desire. Of course your anger and frustration is likely to be mirrored by the other person, so at this point no one is winning!

When you blame someone else you are also letting yourself off the hook. As with my belief that every story has two sides, so too have both parties contributed something in any standoff. I would like you to take a few minutes to watch a YouTube clip about the Dr Suess – Tale of the Zax. It is a brilliantly simple and entertaining way to illustrate my point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZmZzGxGpSs

As I mentioned earlier there will unfortunately always be people and companies that try to use bullying to achieve advantage or simply don’t care about anyone else but themselves. In these circumstances they have no interest in you or a ‘reasonable outcome’. What can also happen is that the other person/company is genuine but operating from a feeling of needing to survive or as a victim. In other words they are so focussed on themselves that they can’t possibly care about you as well.

If this is evident to you and you have done everything you can to find a solution with them, the right outcome may be to minimise the damage and walk away. It may feel like you are giving up but in reality you are protecting your energy and resources so that they can be devoted to people and opportunities that will help you achieve your desired outcome. The alternative is to keep fighting and trying to be right. I am sure you have done this before and discovered just how counterproductive it is!

If you follow the steps in my previous blog and get the right professional advice when entering into a new agreement or commercial relationship you will minimise your risk before it can become pain and loss ( https://pairbv.com.au/protect-to-minimise-pain-and-loss/ ).

Much of what I have written about in this blog requires you to rise above conflict and being right to achieve ‘the right outcome’ for you. I am sure whilst reading it that you have thought about many situations that you may or may not have handled this way. That is ok! We have all made mistakes and operated from ego before.

Now you have a choice. Be right or achieve the right outcome! Don’t get emotional: stay focussed and keep going until you find the right strategy to achieve what you want.

My challenge to you now is to choose at least one unresolved situation you are currently faced with and seek to achieve ‘the right outcome’.

Face Reality, Don’t Hope or Wait

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Head-in-SandThere are constant risks and challenges in life and business. Risks can be real or perceived. They can have varying levels of probability and consequence.

Challenges can also be called ‘problems’, ‘issues’, ‘dramas’, or -‘disasters’… you get the point! I choose to use the word challenge as have the ability to influence the ultimate outcome. Does this mean you can reverse time and undo a car crash or a natural disaster? Of course not! These are both examples of past events. You can, however, choose how you react and what you do with the subsequent circumstances and those impacted.

Risks and challenges can cause fear, loss, frustration, conflict, distraction and also hijack your energy and headspace.

How can you reduce risk and minimise the challenges you are faced with?

Face reality, don’t hope or wait.

The quicker you find reality, the quicker you can deal with it. Hoping and waiting are the natural enemies to finding reality. We all hope and wait at some level:; some more than others, some for longer than others. Often the bigger the risk or challenge, the less inclined we are to facing the reality surrounding it.

Reality should be based on facts, so where possible find all the relevant facts you can. If you don’t know the reality you are not in control and will then find it difficult to influence the outcome.

How do you find the reality of a financial risk or challenge?

Look for the numbers to show you reality. (And where possible you can take that a step further and use what you find to look forward and prevent the same occurring again – (more on this in future blogs).

A business/financial example:

I was asked to help a friend’s brother in law as he was facing significant issues with his business and was apparently at risk of losing his family home. Some of the first things I asked about were his profit and cash levels, current sales and debts. He looked blankly at me. I then asked, “Do you know how your business is performing?” The blank look turned to a look of despair. Next I asked, “Are you making a profit?” He clearly didn’t know. He had been hoping the business was performing ok but knew deep down that it wasn’t.

The next step was to help him find reality in each of the areas I questioned. Once we knew the reality, we were in a position to create a plan to improve his situation.

How do you find the reality of a risk or challenge involving other people?

It is often more complex to find reality when other people are involved, as there can in fact be more than one ‘reality’. This is due to differing individual perceptions and potentially opposing motivations. Individual perceptions are created by each person choosing different facts to create their reality. The facts they choose are usually based on previous experience, fear of loss, or greed.

Ultimately their reality is your reality if you need them to do something to get what you want. Their behaviour, actions or inaction will be determined by their reality.

To find their reality you need to make it easy for them to tell you what they are really thinking and why they are not doing what you expect and want them to do. You may not like the answer, but at least you will know what you are dealing with and be able to create a strategy to move forward.

Your various advisors will be able to help you find reality as well. Accountants, lawyers, insurance brokers and bank managers are all trained in different ways to help you find out what is really going on, and create solutions. Equally, a doctor can help you establish medical reality if your risk or challenge is with your physical or mental health.

So, next time you are worried about a risk or frustrated something isn’t happening when you want it to; find the facts, don’t just hope things will work themselves out or wait for results to fall in your lap! If nothing else, you will feel far more in control and be moving forward.