Focus on the right outcome – NOT BEING RIGHT!

How do you achieve the right outcome or in other words, the BEST outcome for you, when it seems to conflict with what someone else wants?

The first step before answering the ‘how’ is to make sure you are clear about your desired outcome. Some questions/suggestions to help you gain clarity:

1. Write down the right or best outcome for you. Can you define it clearly?
2. Write down ‘when’ you would like to achieve it by.
3. How will you know when you have achieved it – are their definable measures or events?
4. Your best outcome may not be an obviously positive one. It may in fact be to avoid further negatives or risk.
5. It will always help to understand the others person’s/party’s desired outcome. If you can’t ask them at least think hard about what it is likely to be.
6. The best outcome for you is likely to involve some compromise (It is unlikely to be your ‘perfect’ outcome).

Now, why haven’t you been able to achieve the best outcome? Is it because you are right and ‘they’ are wrong? Why can’t they see that they are wrong? It is obvious to you that they are wrong and you are right…

When people are acting from their ego they lose sight of achieving the best outcome and instead focus their energy on being right. For one person to be right another has to be wrong! I believe strongly in the old saying ‘there are always two sides to every story.’

The reality that I have learned is that the truth in any given situation involving two opposing people or groups lies somewhere close to the middle. There are obvious conflicts and/or stalemates where one person has tried to hoodwink another or profiteer by dishonest means. That said there are far more that do not reach resolution because neither party is prepared to REALLY listen to the other. An extremely wealthy and successful German friend of mine says in any negotiation or resolution that “Both people need to cry a little to achieve a good outcome. If only one person is crying it won’t work long-term.”

What does REALLY listen mean? It means to genuinely seek to understand their point of view. It may be flawed, it may be that their perspective is based on misinformation…but it may also be that they are simply focussing on different facts to you. (See my previous blog which explains how to find reality when dealing with another person – www.pairbv.com.au/blog/facereality)

If you can understand what is driving their behaviour you may be able to work with them to come to a resolution to GET WHAT YOU WANT and satisfy them at the same time. If you just want to be right and so do they, you will not move forward towards your outcome. You will become angry and frustrated and blame the other person as the reason you haven’t achieved the outcome you desire. Of course your anger and frustration is likely to be mirrored by the other person, so at this point no one is winning!

When you blame someone else you are also letting yourself off the hook. As with my belief that every story has two sides, so too have both parties contributed something in any standoff. I would like you to take a few minutes to watch a YouTube clip about the Dr Suess – Tale of the Zax. It is a brilliantly simple and entertaining way to illustrate my point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZmZzGxGpSs

As I mentioned earlier there will unfortunately always be people and companies that try to use bullying to achieve advantage or simply don’t care about anyone else but themselves. In these circumstances they have no interest in you or a ‘reasonable outcome’. What can also happen is that the other person/company is genuine but operating from a feeling of needing to survive or as a victim. In other words they are so focussed on themselves that they can’t possibly care about you as well.

If this is evident to you and you have done everything you can to find a solution with them, the right outcome may be to minimise the damage and walk away. It may feel like you are giving up but in reality you are protecting your energy and resources so that they can be devoted to people and opportunities that will help you achieve your desired outcome. The alternative is to keep fighting and trying to be right. I am sure you have done this before and discovered just how counterproductive it is!

If you follow the steps in my previous blog and get the right professional advice when entering into a new agreement or commercial relationship you will minimise your risk before it can become pain and loss ( https://pairbv.com.au/protect-to-minimise-pain-and-loss/ ).

Much of what I have written about in this blog requires you to rise above conflict and being right to achieve ‘the right outcome’ for you. I am sure whilst reading it that you have thought about many situations that you may or may not have handled this way. That is ok! We have all made mistakes and operated from ego before.

Now you have a choice. Be right or achieve the right outcome! Don’t get emotional: stay focussed and keep going until you find the right strategy to achieve what you want.

My challenge to you now is to choose at least one unresolved situation you are currently faced with and seek to achieve ‘the right outcome’.