People only change because of pain or pleasure

I started off writing my second post about the haze (how to exit the haze), and I found myself writing about change and why it is necessary to create a better outcome. This went a step further to include  what is required for people to actually change and why they often get stuck and don’t move forward. I decided it should stand alone as a separate post on change.

Don’t worry I have also nearly finished the second haze blog as well…

Why People Avoid Change?

You may have read all of my blog posts plus read or heard multiple other ideas and strategies to improving your life, relationships, business, wealth etc…so why haven’t you changed some of those things in order to make it happen? I believe it is because you may be comfortable or have become used to your situation and with this often comes complacency. I heard a saying from Anthony Robbins many years ago:

“People only change because of pain or pleasure”

I have added to this: But it is usually pain because pain is hurting you now and pleasure from change is in the future. If it is in the future you can’t feel it now and often can’t imagine how good it will be.

People need a strong reason to change. Change can be actioned proactively or reactively. If you want something strongly enough or alternatively want to avoid something strongly enough you will do what is required and take action.

Making decisions and taking action to proactively effect change requires vision, courage and persistence. Sadly, most people will not change until they are forced to and then it is often too late. Relationship breakdown, health issues (physical and mental) and financial distress are the most common catalysts to force change. I have changed both proactively and reactively and I can categorically say that proactive change is by far the best kind as it is your choice, on your terms and you have far more control over the outcome.

Why don’t people change even when they know they should?

• Change is not easy! My Dad always told me “If it was easy everyone would be doing it.” He wasn’t necessarily referring only to change but I think this saying works very well in this context.
• People rationalise and make very clever excuses:
“It won’t happen to me”
“I am too busy or don’t have time”
“I or someone else already tried ‘that’ but it didn’t work”
“I will do it later”
“What if I try but it doesn’t work?”
“I can’t afford to”
“I can’t change because…”
“They or ‘it’ is stopping me from changing”
• Blaming others (and therefore letting yourself off the hook)
• Ignorance
• Laziness
• Not truly believing you deserve to be happy (very deep and easy to dismiss but I invite you to sit in the discomfort that this causes us all at times during our lives. If you still don’t wish to acknowledge this think about how much easier it is to change or take action for someone you love ).

How to change?

Find a really strong reason to change. If you can’t find one for yourself use someone you love as the reason. For example: Think about how the current situation is hurting them and others, not just you, or how happy ‘they’ will be when you take postive action.

• Publically commit to change as it is a lot harder to avoid when others know.
• Stop rationalising and lying to yourself. Winston Churchill said:
“Sometimes our best is not enough, sometimes we have to do what is required.”
• Accept that you want certain things to be better for yourself and others
• Allow yourself to dream and get excited about the improvements that can come from change
• Don’t stop when it gets hard or doesn’t work the first time and remember the reason you were prepared to change
• Be prepared to learn
• Ask for and get help from other people
• Stop accepting average in your life because we all deserve to be happy. If you are still not sure ask 3 people close to you whether they think you deserve to be happy and be prepared to accept their answers.

I leave you with this:

The discomfort of change is better than the heartbreak of complacency…